I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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