i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
