I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
