We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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