I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
