dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize