I cockslap morals
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
