I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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