Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
