Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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