It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize