oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
