A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
