Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
