The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
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