Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
