Me too!
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It was a blind-side dick pic.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
