i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Randomize
