You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
