Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
