i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
