Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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