this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Randomize
