Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize