He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
