All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
