a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
When are your genitals available?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
