dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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