Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
