You don't have asthma, your pregnant
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
