i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I accidentally burped into my bong.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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