New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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