Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
