And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
