While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
