dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
