Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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