So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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