so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
