You're my little dorito
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize