were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
