I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
