do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
