If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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