respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize