you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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