I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
