For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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