Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
