after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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