I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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