There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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