Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
