Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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