wrigley field is MILF paradise
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
