It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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