she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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