bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
