he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
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