i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize