DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
