And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
