Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
