once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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