Only a mothe r could love this liver
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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