We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He passed out mid-signature
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
